well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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