Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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