I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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