So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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