how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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