Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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