I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dear god my vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
