A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
