so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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