wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
