"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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