She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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