i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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