it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
