38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
