goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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