He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize