You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize