I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
