I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
