my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
