I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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