so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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