I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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