Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
