do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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