I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
