Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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