I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize