dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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