tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize