She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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