I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
