They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
