singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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