i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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