it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize