Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
