I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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