we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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