Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
