She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
