I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
