filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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