My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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