i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
