i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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