toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
