Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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