I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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