I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
