you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
