Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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