theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
