I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize