So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
