i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
