that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
