as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
