I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
