4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's blow job season.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
