If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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