Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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