That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
