hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
