How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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