Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
third nipple confirmed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
