peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
