My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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