Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
