I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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