your thong is hanging out like whoa
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
