So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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