I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
